What can I say I've jumped back on the wagon!
Truth be told this is my 3rd time at this. My last yr of undergrad, my Karataconus caused me to be partially blind in my right eye. I was struggling with the fork in my life, and realized I had balloned to over 150lb. I probably had been there for a lot more than I'd like to admit.
Issues I had them and real ones the kind that if you push to far back they explode in your face. But my weight was the last thing I worried about. At 4'1" that's not a wise choice. See despite this weight I carried I couldn't see it in the mirrow. My friends didn't comment and if my mom did I just pushed it aside. I was fun and happy. Or so it seemed.
After graduation I came back to see my friends graduate. I realized in those pictures how I really looked. I couldn't believe this was me. Yes I excerised, yes I could still play volleyball but it was a rude awaking.
I joined WW for the first time. I stayed on it strong getting down to 127. At which point money became tight and new issues entered. I slowly slacked off but was still aware. Especially the fact that I had made some many others believers in the program. But still I couldn't stick with it.
Fastforwards two years ago. I attempted to rejoin. Not to bad I thought seeing the scale 140 lb. Even after all that time I still kinda kept track but I knew it wasn't the same. I picked a closer location, but soon became discouraged and just quit.
Fastward to March 2008, I was ready I was tired, the man I loved was like 10 lbs from being my weight and he had more than 8 inches on me. No way I knew how to live the right way I need to stick with it. And I did I found a meeting I loved 6am Saturday morning, I asked for help. For a while I went each day to a meeting to make sure I stuck with it. But at the begining of July as I was quitting my job and approaching my first semester in grad school I freaked. I slowly slipped back.
But I knew that I need to make an active change. My family had started the program. My grandmother who lived my homeade tortillas butter and beans was trying to better herself. My mom called everyday for advice. Still I was stuck, I was paying my dues but not attending. I was cheating myself, I was cheating my family becasue I am a motivator. I felt guilty when mom would call to share her success and say oh I'm doing fine. I remember how she was so proud of me when I was actively making change, a .4 loss she celebrated with me a 1.8 gain she pointed out the fact that I ate a burger and the fries. I wanted to do the same but I still felt stuck.
Needless to say I worked out about 4 to 5 times a day. I tricked myself into believing that was enough. But was it. No and as my birthday approaches and the man I love showers me with gifts, I wonder where is my own self worth and preservation.
I went to a meeting this Satuday up by 545am weighed in at 615am. That group is amazing my leader Pam is amazing. I want to reach goal. But I won't make the same mistakes, I know that just because the writing say I should weight 105 to the mid 120's that I shouldn't strive to a weight I am not comfortable in. My last why in in July I was down to 131.2 I gaind 4 lbs in the month I didn't follow program. I know this is a Lifestyle change and I make a commitment to myself to see myself through this journey I am worth it.
I bought a whole new kit, those shots of advice are great. My friend is along in this journey so are some of my family member, but I have come to realize that people fall off their own paths and I have to stay on mine, always.
I look forward to being healthy.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
A Friends Farwell
I have dreamt about you lately
It startles me to no end
We are both at different points now
Yet this dream has no end
Your there I am there
But so are the other two
You hold me
You assure me
But still I can’t quite understand
Only in my dreams will we remain friend
Only in my dreams can it be like it once was
For life has taken its course
It’s a great course
Oh how we drifted oh how we grew
So proud I am but tears still come
Why
I still have no answer
I need to say goodbye my friend
I need to let you go
The friendship out weighed the lover
But the past can not be undone
An important role you played
An ending must be created
No more
No longer
Please turn into a distance memory that sleeps forever
My lesson is that there are boundaries
I am desirable and I deserve the best
Know that you were loved
Friendship was our greatest virtue
Sometimes friendships have expiration
Our is at that point
Farwell
It startles me to no end
We are both at different points now
Yet this dream has no end
Your there I am there
But so are the other two
You hold me
You assure me
But still I can’t quite understand
Only in my dreams will we remain friend
Only in my dreams can it be like it once was
For life has taken its course
It’s a great course
Oh how we drifted oh how we grew
So proud I am but tears still come
Why
I still have no answer
I need to say goodbye my friend
I need to let you go
The friendship out weighed the lover
But the past can not be undone
An important role you played
An ending must be created
No more
No longer
Please turn into a distance memory that sleeps forever
My lesson is that there are boundaries
I am desirable and I deserve the best
Know that you were loved
Friendship was our greatest virtue
Sometimes friendships have expiration
Our is at that point
Farwell
Monday, January 21, 2008
Wings.....Oh Appetizers
Wings n More....oh how I love thy....
It is one of those places that you should over due or you may just bust through the seams of you pants. I love this place. Be careful though the appetizers alone may spoil any room for the wings or main dish. Those onion rings oh boy....they are top of the line. Thinly sliced, battered and fried to perfection. These are one of the very few places that have turned me onto onion rings. My boyfriend swears by the pickle chips. Before him, I would have never thought but boy to they have a kick. Add them to a burger or my crispy friend sandwich and they just add a whole new dimension.
There wings are superb. No sharing at this place. Even if you order a sandwich and think oh I'll just taste so and so wing, better think again, get your own, the 5 piece is a good fit. I have never seen people be so unwilling to share. The smell when they put down your wings is out of this world.
Truth be told I've never had time to actually have dessert. I am normally to full. Same goes for other drinks. They do have a full bar, poker night,kids eat free nights, Sunday specials....I would try it just once, because I know you will be hooked.
It is one of those places that you should over due or you may just bust through the seams of you pants. I love this place. Be careful though the appetizers alone may spoil any room for the wings or main dish. Those onion rings oh boy....they are top of the line. Thinly sliced, battered and fried to perfection. These are one of the very few places that have turned me onto onion rings. My boyfriend swears by the pickle chips. Before him, I would have never thought but boy to they have a kick. Add them to a burger or my crispy friend sandwich and they just add a whole new dimension.
There wings are superb. No sharing at this place. Even if you order a sandwich and think oh I'll just taste so and so wing, better think again, get your own, the 5 piece is a good fit. I have never seen people be so unwilling to share. The smell when they put down your wings is out of this world.
Truth be told I've never had time to actually have dessert. I am normally to full. Same goes for other drinks. They do have a full bar, poker night,kids eat free nights, Sunday specials....I would try it just once, because I know you will be hooked.
Grilled Chicken Burger.....
What can I say, I live for food. I love food especially food that captivates me and for that one second I zone out everything but the taste of what I am consuming. Yesterday I was reminded of how much I enjoy Cafe 1626.
Let me just clear one thing up one more thing before I go any further. In most places I enjoy one thing and never explore beyond it. I just can't, the item I select is so perfect that it's hard to move past it.
At Cafe 1626 that item is the Chicken Burger. Oh boy is it the best. They marinated each piece of chicken. With cheese is the only way to eat it. Last night we took my boyfriends brother and his girlfriend (who by the way added bacon) and they felt the same way. Some people maybe thrown off because it's not one solid piece of breast meat, its breast strips, my notion behind that is that it doesn't create a dryness. It is very moist.
All I can say is if your in Austin you have to look into this place....especially if your craving a chicken burger http://www.cafe1626.com/
Good 2 Know: It's a pretty low key place on most days, though on big game events it the place to be. They have a buffet style pizza set up, subs, chicken fried steak. Pepsi products.
Let me just clear one thing up one more thing before I go any further. In most places I enjoy one thing and never explore beyond it. I just can't, the item I select is so perfect that it's hard to move past it.
At Cafe 1626 that item is the Chicken Burger. Oh boy is it the best. They marinated each piece of chicken. With cheese is the only way to eat it. Last night we took my boyfriends brother and his girlfriend (who by the way added bacon) and they felt the same way. Some people maybe thrown off because it's not one solid piece of breast meat, its breast strips, my notion behind that is that it doesn't create a dryness. It is very moist.
All I can say is if your in Austin you have to look into this place....especially if your craving a chicken burger http://www.cafe1626.com/
Good 2 Know: It's a pretty low key place on most days, though on big game events it the place to be. They have a buffet style pizza set up, subs, chicken fried steak. Pepsi products.
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